Today is the day

I've decided today will be the day I start a blog.  Today I will start to get my true feelings out.  All the anger, pain, emptiness and disappointment will be burried.  This has been a roller coaster ride that I never knew I would get on.  Its one that I hope stops soon with a happy ending. Often I find myself going faster and faster to the point where I want to throw up. I wanna scream, "Stop the ride! Let me off!" but then I remember the reason Im on the ride in the first place. Other people have it so easy, but Im not going to the "its not fair" place.  Thats a very dark, deep hole and when I go there it takes me a while to get out. I will stay focused, with God, my friends, my supportive husband and family at my side, we will beat this.  There will be a day where my blessing will arrive and all this pain and suffering will be worth it. I don't think twice about getting off the ride now... I won't give up. but let me tell you its not easy and at times even the wrong look, thought or feeling can send me into a downward spiral of uncontrollable sobbing. Repeated pregnancy loss is a bitch!!